


because it just didn't feel right.

by itzee



Series: me being sad [5]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Depression, Gen, Graphic Self-Harm, Mentions of OCD, OCD, Self-Harm, actually triggering, he doesn't d word, im sorry for making u go through this sungie, kinda shit at first but like it gets okay, me projecting again but who is surprised, not really a suicide attempt, protect sungie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-09
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:34:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25795210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itzee/pseuds/itzee
Summary: Where Jisung has to deal with OCD, and his friend snaps at him for that exact reason.(I'm bad at summaries pls read the tags)
Series: me being sad [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1832647
Comments: 5
Kudos: 39





	because it just didn't feel right.

"Ji? Are you even listening to me"

Hyunjin knew that his friend wasn't listening to him, but he still had to catch his attention somehow, because the younger was starting to piss him off.

Jisung looked at him with tired eyes as he was rubbing his palms together, "I do it till it feels right", as he explained to the older a few years ago.

"Yeah? I'm sorry I got distracted." He said as he looked at his hands, not just once, but thirteen times.

"You know what, I'm just gonna go to my room." Hyunjin was more than pissed off, he actually came to Jisung's dorm room to talk to him about something important but Jisung wasn't even listening to him. (it wasn't actually important, he just had to tell him about his last date with his boyfriend, but he still felt like he had to share this with his friend).

"Oh, yeah sure." Jisung said as he finally stopped rubbing his palms together.

"Actually, I'm not going before I tell you this. You're a fucking creep and I can't hang out with you anymore. You're never listening to me and you're always jut doing weird fucking rituals or whatever you call them." He said before storming out of the younger's room.

Before leaving Jisung.

Alone.

Jisung didn't know how to feel, he started crying as he heard the loud noises and voices in his head telling him horrible things that he had never had the guts to tell anyone, not even his therapist.

He wanted to get mad at Hyunjin but he knew that his hyung was right, he knew that he was a complete creep, and that even more than anyone else.

After a while, he finally stopped crying and went to his bathroom, counting his steps and making sure he breathed once every two steps.

When he got there, he started looking at himself in the mirror and realised how much of a mess he was, almost looking pretty.

After pointing out every single one of his flaws, he took the object he had come for in the first place and touched both sides of it, twenty three times.

The satisfaction he felt after doing every single one of his rituals was the reason why he kept going, even though it was tiring and just really fucking annoying if we're being completely honest, at least he could go to sleep and not stay awake crying for hours while being afraid that he would somehow die.

Going to sleep after he had counted to three-thousand-five-hundred and fifty-nine, of course.

But the feeling never lasted enough time, and that's why Jisung just had to do it once more, and more, and more, and that's how twenty three ended up being a hundred and four times.

As soon as he stopped, Jisung took his blade to his arm and not-too-delicately marked his soft skin, which was not even completely recovered from his last relapse.

It felt euphoric; he started smiling as he saw the blood coming out of the cut. That was just something he did, paying full attention to his first cut like it was the most precious thing in the world, before damaging his skin a few more times. Eighteen other times to be exact.

After mistreating his skin for a few minutes, he closed his eyes as he felt all the blood coming out of the fresh cuts, not wondering about the fact that he will probably have to spend hours wiping the blood off the floor, because he just couldn't take a tissue and go over it quickly, because he just happened to have this one life destructing illness that couldn't let him do anything like a normal human being.

But none of that mattered, he was feeling way too good to let his anxiety take over.

Jisung was so concentrated in how he was feeling that he didn't even realize that someone had entered his room.

But what he did realize was that he was starting to feel way too dizzy for it to be normal.

And he was right.

Because as soon as he tried to open his eyes, he fell onto the ground.

And the funny part was, even in the state he was in he tried to get up and fall again.

Because the way he fell just didn't feel right.

**Author's Note:**

> lololololol am i projecting again? yes im so sorry sungie ily


End file.
